Finding your way through grief this holiday season

The twinkling lights are up, holiday music fills the stores, and festive gatherings crowd the calendar. But for many people navigating loss, this season of joy can feel impossibly heavy.

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This holiday season, whether you're grieving or supporting someone who is, remember that there's no "right" way to feel. The empty chair at the table is real, the missing voice in the conversation is felt- and acknowledging that pain doesn't diminish the possibility of still finding moments of light.

"For people experiencing loss, it can be very painful, because that person they love is no longer with them," says Lisa Prewitt, Director of Behavioral Health Outreach at UofL Health Peace Hospital. "This holiday may look a little different for them."

It's a reality more common than social media's highlight reel might suggest. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, three in five Americans say the holidays negatively impact their mental health. When you're grieving, that pressure to match everyone else's merry expectations can feel crushing.

Prewitt, who has experienced two significant losses in the past year and a half, offers a perspective that comes from both professional expertise and personal experience. "It's okay to feel sad, especially during the holiday season, but it's also okay to be joyful," she explains. "The two can co-exist together. Don't judge yourself, give yourself moments of grace and time to grieve."

That permission to feel whatever you're feeling- without forcing cheerfulness or wallowing in sorrow- might be the most important gift you give yourself this season.

The basics still matter

When grief feels overwhelming, Prewitt recommends starting with the fundamentals. "Take care of yourself," she says. "Especially eat nutritious food, get some form of exercise even if it's just a walk, get enough sleep because if you take care of yourself physically, it can help manage your grief emotionally."

She speaks from experience about practical help during difficult times: "People showing up with food was so helpful, because at that time, I didn't feel like cooking, but I still needed to nourish my body."

How to help someone who's hurting

If someone you care about is grieving, you might worry about saying the wrong thing or intruding. Prewitt's advice is simple: "Always reach out, whether you're concerned or not. If you know someone who experienced a loss, pick up the phone, reach out- they would so appreciate it."

But there are warning signs that suggest someone might need additional support. Watch for isolation, intense yearning for their loved one, dramatic changes in sleep or eating patterns, increased depression or anxiety, or withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy.

Redefining grief

Prewitt offers a broader definition than many people realize: "Grief really is the conflicting feelings that arise due to the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." That means grief isn't just about death- it can follow any significant loss or change.

Her advice for coping? "Look at the coping skills you currently have. What are the positives? Increase those positive coping skills. Reach out to friends, ask for help. One of the hardest things to do is ask for help, but know it's okay."

She adds, "If you really need something, reach out to friends and family because they probably want to help you, but don't know what to do."

Sometimes the most helpful thing is to think about what would comfort you, then offer that to someone else. A meal delivered, a phone call, an invitation with no pressure attached- these small gestures can mean everything to someone who's struggling.

For those looking for structured support in their grief journey, Peace Hospital facilitates a Grief Recovery Method Support Group beginning in January.

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